I am back!!! After a terrible move back to Missouri and getting settled, I am back up and running.
Going to participate in a fantasy football auction. This will be my very first auction so I need some tips...I can keep some players from the roster I took over from last year like Addai for $30 seems like a bargain...but just not sure how this all works. Anyone have any tips that could be of assistance??? $200 cap 12 team auction league.
Wednesday, July 25, 2007
Friday, March 30, 2007
MLB Predictions To Live By
With the baseball season quickly approaching, I would like to make a few predictions.
* The St. Louis Cardinals are considering installing a bar in their dugout so that Tony LaRussa can get his drunk on between the 1st and 4th innings.That way he will be sober to drive home by the 9th.
* The St. Louis Cardinals are considering installing a bar in their dugout so that Tony LaRussa can get his drunk on between the 1st and 4th innings.That way he will be sober to drive home by the 9th.
* Kerry Wood will injure himself in May while clipping his toenails. He will be on the DL for the rest of the season.
* KC Royals should hire either me or a monkey as their manager. Really could it get any worse??? Could a woman or a monkey screw up that team any more than they already are??? This is a team that at one time had Carlos Beltran, Johnny Damon and Jermaine Dye.
* NY Yankees will not make the playoffs. They have absolutely zero team chemistry. To make matters worse, a divorce has thrown the future of the team up in the air. Personally, I never would have turned over the keys to my business to a guy with the last name of Swindle, but that could just be me. I think Steinbrenner should hook up with his buddy Donald Trump and make a new reality game show out of this. Contestants will battle to be controlling owner of the Yankees when Steinbrenner is ready to step down. I would watch that show for sure! It could be similar to The Apprentice with the contestants performing challenges. Who can attend an owner’s meeting without falling asleep? Which contestant can come up with the best marketing slogan for the upcoming season? “Proving Daily Money Does Not Buy Baseball” is my entry.
* Dice-K will dominate. A Nerf version of the Gyro Ball will be sold at a Wal-mart near you. There will be a Gyro Ball sandwich. Dice-K will carry the Red Sox this year.
* Barry Bonds will break Hank Aaron’s home run record. Does anyone really care???
Here are my division winners. Write them down, they are gospel.
American East- This will be close but I am going to give Baltimore a slight edge over Boston to win this division. No I have not been drinking!
American Central- Detroit should win this even with the injury to Kenny Rogers. Cleveland could make them really work for it though.
American West- I have to go with the Angels here. I think Oakland could actually win it but I will stick with the Angels.
National East- Mets, Mets, Mets all the way.
National Central- Ok, I would love to pick my Cubs. But I don’t think they are quite there yet. So I am going to go with Milwaukee to win the division. That’s right, not the Cardinals.
National West- This division is a crap shoot. Draw a team out of a hat and they could win the division. But since I have to pick one I am going to go with the Arizona Diamondbacks.
World Series- I am picking the NY Mets to win the World Series. They will go 7 games with the Boston Red Sox (Red Sox will have a wild-card spot) and they will prevail.
There you have it! My predictions for the baseball season. Take em’ or leave em’.
MLB Update: Kenny Rogers
It has just been announced that Kenny Rogers will be out the next three months due to surgery for a blood clot. Update your fantasy baseball rosters.
Friday, March 23, 2007
NFL Update 3/23/07
David Carr has been released by the Houston Texans. The woes of the Texans cannot be placed on Carr's shoulders. The man had absolutely no offensive line to work with which hurt the running game tremendously, not to mention his body being sacked that many times. I hope Carr moves to a team that gives him a shot to start with a real offensive line so he can show what he has.
Monday, October 16, 2006
If I Were Joe Torre for a Day...
If I were Joe Torre for a day...the very first thing I would do is to resign as Yankees manager and tell George Steinbrenner to kiss my hairy ass. Does this jackass truly think I would not have at least five offers to manage other teams next year??? Does he think he can find a better manager??? I only led this team to a 97-65 record and a playoff birth even though two of my stars were hurt for a good part of the season. A copy of my letter of resignation:
Dear Mr. Bossman,
You are an idiot. You spent tons and tons of money on an amazing roster and still cannot make your way to a World Series title. Take a look at the Tigers roster...not even close to ours in dollars, yet they are going to the World Series while we will be sitting at home polishing the trophies from years gone by. Get a clue, would you????????? Baseball is a game of passion, not possessions. Quit buying players like you would buy up property...sometimes it just doesn't work out the way you would like it to.
I am going to move on to bigger and better things. Good luck trying to find another manager to put up with your crap. Don't call me next year when you are 40-122.
Sincerely,
Joe Torre
p.s. A-rod needs to be traded.
Dear Mr. Bossman,
You are an idiot. You spent tons and tons of money on an amazing roster and still cannot make your way to a World Series title. Take a look at the Tigers roster...not even close to ours in dollars, yet they are going to the World Series while we will be sitting at home polishing the trophies from years gone by. Get a clue, would you????????? Baseball is a game of passion, not possessions. Quit buying players like you would buy up property...sometimes it just doesn't work out the way you would like it to.
I am going to move on to bigger and better things. Good luck trying to find another manager to put up with your crap. Don't call me next year when you are 40-122.
Sincerely,
Joe Torre
p.s. A-rod needs to be traded.
Tuesday, June 20, 2006
Denver Broncos 3rd String Fan Fair
A few weeks ago I was crusing Ticketmaster looking for some Clay Aiken tickets (don't say a word) and what do I spot? An opportunity to purchase tickets to attend the Denver Broncos Fan Fair. The ad said you can have your picture made with players, the Lombardi trophy and get many autographs from the players. Since I have never met a professional football player before I thought this might be my shot. Now, I am a die hard Pittsburgh Steelers fan.
After last year's loss to the Steelers at home, one game away from the Super Bowl, I knew my Polamalu jersey was just not the thing to wear. So why not pretend to be a Broncos fan for just one weekend???I ordered several things on Ebay I deemed necessary to pull this off. First was something for the players to sign. What better than a limited edition white panel football that has all the championships and playoff wins printed on it? Next I needed attire. After many hours of searching I came across a t-shirt someone had made that says, "If you are not a Broncos fan, you must be a jack-ass." It had a lovely picture of a donkey with boots and overalls on. I also found a #85 jersey...not sure who that is but it is cheap so I get it also. That should do it. I call up 3 of my friends and ask them to go with me just in case I would blow my cover once inside the Invesco confines by shouting, "My Steelers beat the living @#*^ out of your precious little ponies!"... always good to have backup.
Only one friend agreed to ride with me the first day of Fan Fair (I suspect everyone knows I have road rage just as bad as Jake Plummer). Ok, so I was a little anxious and arrived two hours before the event. But boy does arriving early pay off! I got some free orange milk that made me want to puke and I got a Broncos alumni's autograph as he pushed his walker across the parking lot.Finally, the gates open. This was just not the event I had envisioned. After 2 hours in line I had 3 autographs...some big hairy offensive lineman, a coach of some sort and Ian Gold. Ian turned out to be the one bright spot of my weekend. He was very sweet and had far less bling than the others. He actually thanked me for coming out. Poor man has no idea I really want to ask him how it felt to have Jerome Bettis run over him.There was a large commotion and many fans started racing for an autograph line. I ask someone who was signing and I was told Champ Bailey. Well alright, a big time player, let's go! Three hours later I had Ron Dayne's autograph. It seems the players would only sign for one hour and them move on. So at this point I have stood in lines for 7 hours. My feet hurt...my back hurts and I am getting angry. I had walked all over looking to have my picture made with the Lombardi trophy. I have no idea where that was going on. The line to have your picture made with a player was even longer than the autograph lines and I seriously doubted those players would appreciate a whiff of me at this point.
I could stand no longer, so we left around 4:30pm...30 minutes before the event ended for the day. I was in pain driving home, in pain sleeping, just in pain period. The next morning was not any better. Three of my four friends called one hour before we were to leave to cancel. They said they felt like they had been hit by a train. Wimps! Finally, I convinced one friend to go for only three hours. This would be a new day! I know my way around the stadium now and I also know not to drink orange milk.Standing in line outside waiting for them to open up the gates I notice a guy signing that looks like Jay Cutler. Well, I am positive it is Jay. So I tell my friend to stay in line while I run over to get him to sign my ball. Jay Cutler is the main reason I came to this event. I think he is great. Even with his shaggy dog hair. I stand and wait for him to get close...stick my ball out and he takes it!!! Holy Bronco! I am about to get Jay Cutler's signature on my ball! He hands it back and I say, "Thank you Mr. Cutler." He looks at me like I am from another planet. Finally, he says, "I am not Jay Cutler, I am Rob, an offensive lineman." Please God, let the earth open and swallow me! I could not tell an NFL QB from an O-lineman. He really didn't look big...I swear! I looked him up on my roster sheet I had printed off on the internet and Rob is a practice squad o-lineman. Maybe they don't get fed as well as the starting o-lineman, maybe that is why I thought he was a QB. Whatever, as you can imagine my day was off to a bang of a start.I get in the 1st autograph line I come to and there is Darrent Williams. I like him. After two hours standing in line when I got up to the table I had a punter that looked like he was 18 years old and guaranteed not to make the team, another offensive lineman and Gerard Warren.
In line I had overheard someone say they had asked someone when Plummer, Lynch, Smith, Cutler and all the other stars would arrive to sign and he was told they would be in around 2pm on Sunday. The event ends at 5pm! They show up for a whole 3 hours out of 14! Now I feel cheated. What is the point really? So that was it, I walked out of Fan Fair. I just think it is a joke to have mainly practice squad players and 6th string tight ends signing for the fans. Chances are they will not make the team. So I would like to thank the Denver Broncos organization for my heat stroke, a serious case of indigestion from the orange milk and for a ball signed by every 3rd-6th string player not yet on the team. Rob Hunt, I apologize for thinking you were Cutler. Ian Gold, thank you for being such a sweetheart. But next year, I think I would rather stay at home and polish all of my Steelers memoribilia.
After last year's loss to the Steelers at home, one game away from the Super Bowl, I knew my Polamalu jersey was just not the thing to wear. So why not pretend to be a Broncos fan for just one weekend???I ordered several things on Ebay I deemed necessary to pull this off. First was something for the players to sign. What better than a limited edition white panel football that has all the championships and playoff wins printed on it? Next I needed attire. After many hours of searching I came across a t-shirt someone had made that says, "If you are not a Broncos fan, you must be a jack-ass." It had a lovely picture of a donkey with boots and overalls on. I also found a #85 jersey...not sure who that is but it is cheap so I get it also. That should do it. I call up 3 of my friends and ask them to go with me just in case I would blow my cover once inside the Invesco confines by shouting, "My Steelers beat the living @#*^ out of your precious little ponies!"... always good to have backup.
Only one friend agreed to ride with me the first day of Fan Fair (I suspect everyone knows I have road rage just as bad as Jake Plummer). Ok, so I was a little anxious and arrived two hours before the event. But boy does arriving early pay off! I got some free orange milk that made me want to puke and I got a Broncos alumni's autograph as he pushed his walker across the parking lot.Finally, the gates open. This was just not the event I had envisioned. After 2 hours in line I had 3 autographs...some big hairy offensive lineman, a coach of some sort and Ian Gold. Ian turned out to be the one bright spot of my weekend. He was very sweet and had far less bling than the others. He actually thanked me for coming out. Poor man has no idea I really want to ask him how it felt to have Jerome Bettis run over him.There was a large commotion and many fans started racing for an autograph line. I ask someone who was signing and I was told Champ Bailey. Well alright, a big time player, let's go! Three hours later I had Ron Dayne's autograph. It seems the players would only sign for one hour and them move on. So at this point I have stood in lines for 7 hours. My feet hurt...my back hurts and I am getting angry. I had walked all over looking to have my picture made with the Lombardi trophy. I have no idea where that was going on. The line to have your picture made with a player was even longer than the autograph lines and I seriously doubted those players would appreciate a whiff of me at this point.
I could stand no longer, so we left around 4:30pm...30 minutes before the event ended for the day. I was in pain driving home, in pain sleeping, just in pain period. The next morning was not any better. Three of my four friends called one hour before we were to leave to cancel. They said they felt like they had been hit by a train. Wimps! Finally, I convinced one friend to go for only three hours. This would be a new day! I know my way around the stadium now and I also know not to drink orange milk.Standing in line outside waiting for them to open up the gates I notice a guy signing that looks like Jay Cutler. Well, I am positive it is Jay. So I tell my friend to stay in line while I run over to get him to sign my ball. Jay Cutler is the main reason I came to this event. I think he is great. Even with his shaggy dog hair. I stand and wait for him to get close...stick my ball out and he takes it!!! Holy Bronco! I am about to get Jay Cutler's signature on my ball! He hands it back and I say, "Thank you Mr. Cutler." He looks at me like I am from another planet. Finally, he says, "I am not Jay Cutler, I am Rob, an offensive lineman." Please God, let the earth open and swallow me! I could not tell an NFL QB from an O-lineman. He really didn't look big...I swear! I looked him up on my roster sheet I had printed off on the internet and Rob is a practice squad o-lineman. Maybe they don't get fed as well as the starting o-lineman, maybe that is why I thought he was a QB. Whatever, as you can imagine my day was off to a bang of a start.I get in the 1st autograph line I come to and there is Darrent Williams. I like him. After two hours standing in line when I got up to the table I had a punter that looked like he was 18 years old and guaranteed not to make the team, another offensive lineman and Gerard Warren.
In line I had overheard someone say they had asked someone when Plummer, Lynch, Smith, Cutler and all the other stars would arrive to sign and he was told they would be in around 2pm on Sunday. The event ends at 5pm! They show up for a whole 3 hours out of 14! Now I feel cheated. What is the point really? So that was it, I walked out of Fan Fair. I just think it is a joke to have mainly practice squad players and 6th string tight ends signing for the fans. Chances are they will not make the team. So I would like to thank the Denver Broncos organization for my heat stroke, a serious case of indigestion from the orange milk and for a ball signed by every 3rd-6th string player not yet on the team. Rob Hunt, I apologize for thinking you were Cutler. Ian Gold, thank you for being such a sweetheart. But next year, I think I would rather stay at home and polish all of my Steelers memoribilia.
Tuesday, May 30, 2006
Nick Saban's "The New Colossus"
"Give me your troubled, your no-show talents,
Your pot smoking masses yearning for no NFL drug policy,
The wretched refuse of your past drafts.
Send these, the unwanted trouble makers, to me.
I lift my ringmaster hat beside the orange and aqua door."
With Nick Saban recently signing Daunte Culpepper, Marcus Vick and Joey Harrington, then sending Ricky Williams off to the CFL to play, I just had to have my say in this. Has this man lost his mind or is he a genius??? Only the 2006 NFL season holds the answers and until then we all must speculate.
Various coaches have taken personnel risks in the past but I cannot remember one that took so many in one year. I cannot argue with his pick up of Culpepper. Culpepper is a proven talent although injured and no one seems certain he will be able to start the season opener for the Dolphins. But Marcus Vick and Joey Harrington??? Vick has talent, Harrington, well I think my sister can throw a better ball. Now, Saban has agreed to let Ricky Williams play in the CFL for one year. Saban has his hands full at this point so I guess sending Ricky off for a year might not be such a bad idea. Instead of creeping around Ricky's windows, making sure he isn't smoking pot, Saban will be tailing Vick around town to make sure he doesn't point his cell phone at anyone that might mistake it for a gun.
Good luck Mr. Saban! Perhaps Vick will become the next Randle El for your team, a receiver and return man all in one glorious bundle. Or maybe he will stomp on your legs for not letting him be a quarterback.
Perhaps Joey Harrington is the next Joe Montana in the making. Or maybe you might want my sister's number.
Your pot smoking masses yearning for no NFL drug policy,
The wretched refuse of your past drafts.
Send these, the unwanted trouble makers, to me.
I lift my ringmaster hat beside the orange and aqua door."
With Nick Saban recently signing Daunte Culpepper, Marcus Vick and Joey Harrington, then sending Ricky Williams off to the CFL to play, I just had to have my say in this. Has this man lost his mind or is he a genius??? Only the 2006 NFL season holds the answers and until then we all must speculate.
Various coaches have taken personnel risks in the past but I cannot remember one that took so many in one year. I cannot argue with his pick up of Culpepper. Culpepper is a proven talent although injured and no one seems certain he will be able to start the season opener for the Dolphins. But Marcus Vick and Joey Harrington??? Vick has talent, Harrington, well I think my sister can throw a better ball. Now, Saban has agreed to let Ricky Williams play in the CFL for one year. Saban has his hands full at this point so I guess sending Ricky off for a year might not be such a bad idea. Instead of creeping around Ricky's windows, making sure he isn't smoking pot, Saban will be tailing Vick around town to make sure he doesn't point his cell phone at anyone that might mistake it for a gun.
Good luck Mr. Saban! Perhaps Vick will become the next Randle El for your team, a receiver and return man all in one glorious bundle. Or maybe he will stomp on your legs for not letting him be a quarterback.
Perhaps Joey Harrington is the next Joe Montana in the making. Or maybe you might want my sister's number.
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