Friday, March 30, 2007

MLB Predictions To Live By

With the baseball season quickly approaching, I would like to make a few predictions.

* The St. Louis Cardinals are considering installing a bar in their dugout so that Tony LaRussa can get his drunk on between the 1st and 4th innings.That way he will be sober to drive home by the 9th.

* Kerry Wood will injure himself in May while clipping his toenails. He will be on the DL for the rest of the season.

* KC Royals should hire either me or a monkey as their manager. Really could it get any worse??? Could a woman or a monkey screw up that team any more than they already are??? This is a team that at one time had Carlos Beltran, Johnny Damon and Jermaine Dye.

* NY Yankees will not make the playoffs. They have absolutely zero team chemistry. To make matters worse, a divorce has thrown the future of the team up in the air. Personally, I never would have turned over the keys to my business to a guy with the last name of Swindle, but that could just be me. I think Steinbrenner should hook up with his buddy Donald Trump and make a new reality game show out of this. Contestants will battle to be controlling owner of the Yankees when Steinbrenner is ready to step down. I would watch that show for sure! It could be similar to The Apprentice with the contestants performing challenges. Who can attend an owner’s meeting without falling asleep? Which contestant can come up with the best marketing slogan for the upcoming season? “Proving Daily Money Does Not Buy Baseball” is my entry.

* Dice-K will dominate. A Nerf version of the Gyro Ball will be sold at a Wal-mart near you. There will be a Gyro Ball sandwich. Dice-K will carry the Red Sox this year.

* Barry Bonds will break Hank Aaron’s home run record. Does anyone really care???

Here are my division winners. Write them down, they are gospel.

American East- This will be close but I am going to give Baltimore a slight edge over Boston to win this division. No I have not been drinking!
American Central- Detroit should win this even with the injury to Kenny Rogers. Cleveland could make them really work for it though.
American West- I have to go with the Angels here. I think Oakland could actually win it but I will stick with the Angels.

National East- Mets, Mets, Mets all the way.
National Central- Ok, I would love to pick my Cubs. But I don’t think they are quite there yet. So I am going to go with Milwaukee to win the division. That’s right, not the Cardinals.
National West- This division is a crap shoot. Draw a team out of a hat and they could win the division. But since I have to pick one I am going to go with the Arizona Diamondbacks.
World Series- I am picking the NY Mets to win the World Series. They will go 7 games with the Boston Red Sox (Red Sox will have a wild-card spot) and they will prevail.

There you have it! My predictions for the baseball season. Take em’ or leave em’.

MLB Update: Kenny Rogers

It has just been announced that Kenny Rogers will be out the next three months due to surgery for a blood clot. Update your fantasy baseball rosters.

Friday, March 23, 2007

NFL Update 3/23/07

David Carr has been released by the Houston Texans. The woes of the Texans cannot be placed on Carr's shoulders. The man had absolutely no offensive line to work with which hurt the running game tremendously, not to mention his body being sacked that many times. I hope Carr moves to a team that gives him a shot to start with a real offensive line so he can show what he has.