Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Ben, I Love You, But I Am Not IN Love With You

Dear Ben,

As you know I have been in love with you for some time now. Your confidence, your ability to twist your way out of trouble and well the fact that you hate tomatoes as much as I do was the real clincher.

But Ben, you are being accused of rape every 5 minutes and now this. Look at your hair. It is just not right. It is the mullet from hell. You just got off the hook yet again and hold a press conference. Can you not shave your face and do something with that nasty hair? It is pretty bad when Billy Ray Cyrus has better hair than you do.

I will always love you but I am just not in love with you anymore. I am moving on to a new quarterback. That's right, I am leaving you for another man. His name is Mark Sanchez. He is smoking hot and I have not heard any screams of rape yet. Look at those abs...maybe you would have abs like that if you didn't booze it up so much.

I wish you luck. I might even miss you a little. But I am movin' on Ben.
Love always,
Your tomato hating beyotch

Jerry Jones Has Bad Night At Hooters

I already could not stand Jerry Jones. This just makes it so much worse. If you are out in a public place, you should probably keep you mouth zipped considering even my techno deficient mother has a camera and could tape you.

Jerry you are a douche. Always have been, always will be. Get a clue.

Thursday, April 8, 2010

Waiting for Football Season...

A fellow co-worker has gotten me involved in a home run derby pool. I will do pretty much anything if it involves the chance to compete and win money. The cost is $10 per team. 7 players are picked to be on your team. Of course you cannot pick Pujols, Howard, Gonzalez, etc. You get one of those players. Then you pick from a "B" group and then a few from the "C" group.

Considering we are months away from football season, I am hoping that this will take my mind off things. So here is the team I put together...
Ryan Howard, Miguel Cabrera, Ryan Braun, Mark Teixeira, Evan Longoria, Alfonso Soriano and Jay Bruce.

I hope more than anything it makes watching baseball more interesting. It will never take the place of football but it just might keep me from watching the NFL Combine videos over and over all summer.