As you know I have been in love with you for some time now. Your confidence, your ability to twist your way out of trouble and well the fact that you hate tomatoes as much as I do was the real clincher.
But Ben, you are being accused of rape every 5 minutes and now this. Look at your hair. It is just not right. It is the mullet from hell. You just got off the hook yet again and hold a press conference. Can you not shave your face and do something with that nasty hair? It is pretty bad when Billy Ray Cyrus has better hair than you do.
I will always love you but I am just not in love with you anymore. I am moving on to a new quarterback. That's right, I am leaving you for another man. His name is Mark Sanchez. He is smoking hot and I have not heard any screams of rape yet. Look at those abs...maybe you would have abs like that if you didn't booze it up so much.
I wish you luck. I might even miss you a little. But I am movin' on Ben.
Your tomato hating beyotch