Sunday, May 10, 2009

Happy Mother's Day

There is not a day that goes by that I don't wish I had pooped out of my hot pocket these wonderfully talented Jonas Brothers. My life would be so different. Instead of sitting at my computer all day, pumping out sports blogs in my pajamas, I would be pool side pumping margaritas down my throat and flirting with the pool boy. Instead of driving a Kia Rondo, I would be driving a Bentley. Instead of talking to rude truck drivers all day, I would be speaking to my masseuse, my housekeeper, my chef and my personal trainer. But I have made the decision to not have children (this decision was made after babysitting for a friend and she comes home early to find her children locked in a closet) so therefore I must deal with my life without Jonas money.

Mothers give so much of themselves. Like all the time. I would find that ok for about the first 6 months and then I would have to sell my child on Ebay. I prefer for the most part to not be bothered by anyone so to have a child wake me up in the middle of the night vomiting up the 50 Bagel Bites I told him not to eat would send me over the edge. Mothers are very special people, because they have the ability to sacrifice themselves to the point they don't resemble the person they were before giving birth. Who else would do that??? No one. No one in their right mind at least.

So on this Mother's Day, try to remember your mother was probably cool and not so psycho before you came into this world. Also important to remember, she brought you into this world and she is capable of taking you right back out of it.

Happy Mother's Day!


Grumpy said...

Very well put. " pocket"? I thought I had heard every synonym possible, but that's a new one.

Chanin Bissinger said...

Well I have to give all credit to Chelsea Handler for that one, she uses that term on her show because she cannot say the real word on

Grumpy said...

Now I have to Google Chelsea Handler.

Chanin Bissinger said...

Googling is good for you Grumpy. She has the best show on tv...E!tv, Mon-Friday 10pm. You should watch, she is hilarious.

Grumpy said...

OK, three things I don't watch, E!tv, HGTV (unless Genevieve Gorder is on) and anything with Oprah.