I live for NFL football. I realize to say I live for something like football is quite disturbing but it is the truth. Not counting today, there are 198 days until the Thursday night NFL Kickoff Special. On that day, I will come out of hibernation and begin to live again. Until that day, I am just not sure what to do with myself. Weekend before last I had the Pro Bowl to watch. Do I really enjoy the Pro Bowl?? No. Generally, they are pretty boring games but it represents the last heartbeat in my body before I completely flatline. I realized the day of the Pro Bowl that I have entirely too much free time on my hands now that I don't have football games to watch on Sundays. I began to panic, what will I do with myself?? Exercise? No way Jose! Clean the house?? Absolutely NOT! Scrapbook??? HELL NO!I needed a football substitute, a fix for my addiction. I tried to watch an arena football game. I would say arena football is like a frozen pizza compared to the real deep dish delivered pizza also known as the NFL. Frozen pizza will do in a pinch, but I would rather have the real deal than to eat a frozen pizza.
So this past Sunday I noticed there was a Nascar race on TV. Daytona 500...Superbowl of Nascar they called it. Ahhhhhhhhh here we have it...my football substitute! I have been saved by Tony Stewart and friends! So I climbed into the recliner and got ready for the race, turned on the surround sound and got ready to witness my first Nascar race on my 65 inch big screen. Bon Jovi before the race...ok, this is not bad at all...just like they have artists perform before the Superbowl...I think I will like this! James Caan got them all to start their engines and off they went! In circles... for hours. I think I must have fallen asleep around lap 20. When I woke up they were on lap 100. My God, how long does this sport take to finish? Had I missed anything exciting? After watching for about 10 minutes I find that in fact I had missed nothing but more circles. Again I passed out. I woke up this time with 25 laps to go. Ok, I have to stay awake for the ending of this...I run to the kitchen and make a pot of coffee and dissolve a No Doze in it. Maybe...just maybe I can make it now. Hop back into the recliner and my jittery hand reaches for the surround sound remote control, if I can crank up the sound of the roaring engines maybe that will also prevent me from falling asleep. Not sure really what kept me awake for the end because it was the most uneventful victory I have ever witnessed. Jimmie Johnson won the race. Then he stood on his car and a mega-ton of confetti fell from the air and completely covered the car and Jimmie. Then other drivers accused Jimmie of cheating (the most exciting part of the entire event). That was it. It was over.
I don't get it. At all. Why is this sport so popular? When I wasn't sleeping, I was praying for wrecks or for a fan to run out in the middle of the track.God, help me make it 198 days. Between Nascar and the Olympics I will be well-rested for the beginning of the NFL season.