Jessica Simpson: CD Review

Yes it is true, I have in my hot little hand a copy of Jessica's new country music cd "Do You Know." No, I did not buy it, I would not waste my money in such a way. I am friends with a country music dj that GAVE me a copy. Now, I speak horribly of Jessica all the time so I was not sure exactly why she gave it to me. Here is how the conversation went:

Me: "What's this?"

DJ: "A copy of Jessica Simpson's new cd. You are constantly talking about her so I thought you might like to hear it."

Me: "Um, well...hmmmm...I...actually I...uh...um thanks."

It was a very nice gesture and I did not want to make her mad by setting fire to it right away so I left it on my kitchen counter for about two weeks. Every morning while making breakfast, Jessica would beckon me..."CHANINNNNNNN listen to myyyyy newwww Cddddd. I am notttt as dumbbbb as you thinkkkk I ammm." Yea, right Jessica. This morning Jessica offered me a Tony Romo autographed football to listen to her cd (is this how she is getting it played on country radio???), so I took her up on it. I jotted down a few thoughts while listening which I will call a music review.

1. "Come On Over"-Damn it! I like this song. Why???????????

2. "Remember That"-First verse of lyric goes, "Remember how he told you you were stupid". Enough said.

3. "Pray Out Loud"- Dear God, this song is stupid...is it almost over???

4. "You're My Sunday"- I had heard she wrote this about Tony Romo. You poor whipped bastard.

5. "Sipping on History"- First verse goes, "I could have been your June Carter Cash." Gee, I wonder who she wrote this for. Tony, I would be pissed if I were you! She could have written it like this, "I could have been your Deanna Favre." Just saying.

6. "Still Beautiful"- I have no notes on this one, I think I must have fallen asleep.

7. "Still Don't Stop Me" -Um, looks like my nap may have continued through this song as well.

8. "When I Loved You Like That" -Ok, this is the 2nd decent song on the cd. It is killing me to admit that!!!

9. "Might As Well Be Making Love"- Eeeeeewwwwwwwwwwwww!

10. "Man Enough"- No one is man enough to deal with you Jess.

11. "Do You Know" with Dolly Parton- They actually sound decent together. To make matters worse, the song is actually ok.

If I were to give this cd a rating it would be a half of a bloody stump of a thumb. I thought about a full thumb up, but then chewed half of my own thumb off to prevent it. Enough said??