Tuesday, October 7, 2008

Luke Walton Harassed by Tasteless Stalker

Poor Luke Walton was being stalked by a woman. He refused to sign an autograph for her and that seemed to make her go a little wacky so the next time she saw him she pointed her finger at him and acted like she was shooting a gun.

That is some intense stuff right there. First of all, he should be thankful he had a woman after him at all. He is a little weird looking and not that great of a basketball player. Why not sign something for the poor lady??? He cannot have that many fans asking for autographs. It's not like he is Kobe for crying out loud.

When she gets out of jail, she needs to work on her stalker techniques.

Rule number 1: Stalk someone worthy of stalking. A few names comes to mind, Dewayne Wade, Lebron James or even Chris Paul. If you are gonna serve the time, do up the crime. That's my motto anyways.

Rule number 2: Never make motions like you might harm your prey. That tends to make them a little uneasy and more likely to call the police. It makes it hard to get in their circle of trust if you start acting like you just got out of a mental institution.

Rule number 3: If all else fails, flash your weapons of mass destruction. This mainly only works while stalking men, but some women have been known to enjoy it as well. *I will name no names to protect the innocent prey. Her name starts with an "E" and she has a talk show and she is married to a blond chick that was on "Arrested Development".*

My new book, "Stalking for Dummies" will be in bookstores this spring.


Anonymous said...

LMAO!!!! good one!!

Chanin Bissinger said...

Thanks CK!

Mind of MadMan said...

If I was a star of any sorts and a woman flashed her boobies at me... they would not need to stalk, straight to paternity baby!!!

Chanin Bissinger said...

See, told ya it works. LOL

Tiffany said...

I like to flash my boobies...as a matter of fact, my bff4l has to keep me from sending text pictures of my boobies to people. Why not share the goodies with the world? I don't need to stalk to flash.LOL