I have signed up for a couple of writing classes and thought that I would share a few of the things I have written in the class on here from time to time. Not sure they will always have something to do with sports but I hope you find them interesting and please leave feedback...good and bad.
The assignment this week was to write a dialogue with an inanimate object. I chose my big screen tv.
A Dialogue With My Big Screen
Me: I think you are the biggest tv I have ever seen. I fell in love with you at first sight. But that was in 2004 and they have come out with much smaller versions…easier to handle. You are the size of a small automobile and I should probably let you go and get a smaller tv.
Tv: Oprah says big is beautiful.
Me: I told you to stop watching Oprah. Oprah is the devil. You shouldn’t listen to what she says. She has already brainwashed half of America. Anyways, I know we have been through so much together…we watched the Summer Olympics in Athens, Greece. We saw my beloved Pittsburgh Steelers win 2 Superbowls together and saw the election of the first African-American President. We have so many great memories together but you are just too big.
TV: “That’s what she said.”
Me: Seriously??? You are going to make jokes at a time like this? I am about to send you packing.
TV: “He…could… go…all…the… way!”
Me: Give me one good reason to keep you. Then I might let you stay.
TV: “Because I am good enough, smart enough and doggone it-people like me.”
Me: You are a tv…you are not smart.
TV: “Gee Mrs. Cleaver.” “I’m not a doctor but I play one on TV.”
Me: Maybe I should just do without a tv. I spend way too much time watching you and getting very little done. By now I could have written 3 books with all the time I have wasted watching you. I can feel my brain cells dying as I am speaking to you.
TV: “Oh my God! I killed Kenny!”
Me: Ok, that’s it. I am putting up an ad on Craigslist today. You can go live with another family.
TV: “Is that your final answer?”
Me: Ahhhhh! Yes, that is my final answer.
TV: “Live long and prosper.”
Me: Back at ya.
Power button off…fade to black.
TV quote sources:
“That’s what she said.” The Office
“He could go all the way” Chris Berman ESPN
“Because I am good enough, smart enough and doggone it-people like me.” Stuart Smally Saturday Night Live
“Gee Mrs. Cleaver” Leave it to Beaver
“I am not a doctor, but I play one on TV” Vicks Formula 44 commercial
“Oh my God I killed Kenny” South Park
“Is that your final answer?” Regis Philbin Who Wants to be a Millionaire
“Live Long and Prosper” Star Trek