Ben, I Love You, But I Am Not IN Love With You

Dear Ben,

As you know I have been in love with you for some time now. Your confidence, your ability to twist your way out of trouble and well the fact that you hate tomatoes as much as I do was the real clincher.

But Ben, you are being accused of rape every 5 minutes and now this. Look at your hair. It is just not right. It is the mullet from hell. You just got off the hook yet again and hold a press conference. Can you not shave your face and do something with that nasty hair? It is pretty bad when Billy Ray Cyrus has better hair than you do.

I will always love you but I am just not in love with you anymore. I am moving on to a new quarterback. That's right, I am leaving you for another man. His name is Mark Sanchez. He is smoking hot and I have not heard any screams of rape yet. Look at those abs...maybe you would have abs like that if you didn't booze it up so much.

I wish you luck. I might even miss you a little. But I am movin' on Ben.

Love always,

Your tomato hating beyotch

Chanin

Jerry Jones Has Bad Night At Hooters

I already could not stand Jerry Jones. This just makes it so much worse. If you are out in a public place, you should probably keep you mouth zipped considering even my techno deficient mother has a camera and could tape you.

Jerry you are a douche. Always have been, always will be. Get a clue.

Waiting for Football Season...

A fellow co-worker has gotten me involved in a home run derby pool. I will do pretty much anything if it involves the chance to compete and win money. The cost is $10 per team. 7 players are picked to be on your team. Of course you cannot pick Pujols, Howard, Gonzalez, etc. You get one of those players. Then you pick from a "B" group and then a few from the "C" group.

Considering we are months away from football season, I am hoping that this will take my mind off things. So here is the team I put together...
Ryan Howard, Miguel Cabrera, Ryan Braun, Mark Teixeira, Evan Longoria, Alfonso Soriano and Jay Bruce.

I hope more than anything it makes watching baseball more interesting. It will never take the place of football but it just might keep me from watching the NFL Combine videos over and over all summer.

Top 10 Reasons To Watch "Dancing With the Stars"

10. They have finally gotten rid of that terrible co-host Samatha Harris and replaced her with Brooke "I can actually speak without tripping over my words" Burke.

9. Host Tom Bergeron is a silver fox.

8. That hot mess Kate Gosselin will dance. She will have a show called, "Tony Dovolani Made Me Want to be a Mommy...Again."

7. Erin Andrews will be dancing. Rumor has it, she has a peephole camera installed in her dressing room.

6. Pamela Anderson. Nothing else to say about that.

5. 80 year old Buzz Aldrin gets to dance with a 20-something hottie. Let's start the pool for how long he lives.

4. He is Aiden Turner and he is pretty.

3. She is Nicole Scherzinger and she is pretty.

2. Shannen Doherty proves to us she still has a career. Well, if you consider this show a wise career move. It has done wonders for Joey Lawrence's career.

1. Chad Ochocinco will be the first contestant to be fined by the judges. There are no lifts in a Viennese Waltz! Fine of $10,000 for each lift.

Tune in March 22nd for this mess-fest on ABC.

Delhomme to Be Released Friday

ESPN new is reporting that Jake Delhomme will be released from the Carolina Panthers as early as tomorrow.

They made a huge mistake when they signed him to that big deal last year. The guy has always been injury prone and well, he just sucks. Delhomme threw way too many interceptions. Matt Moore got his shot last year and did well, so the Panthers are in good shape without Delhomme.

Major Trade in NFL

According to ESPN, the San Diego Chargers have traded Antonio Cromartie to the NY Jets for a 2011 3rd round pick.

Are you Chargers cleaning house or what? First Tomlinson and now Cromartie. What I don't understand about this trade is they get absolutely nothing for giving him up this year. They have to wait for the 2011 draft. I think the Chargers might regret this move.

A Paragraph Turned In

Well my assignment from last week was to turn in a paragraph from a piece of work I would submit for our last assignment...could be fiction or non-fiction. The dilema I ran into was this...I have many ideas for great books or movies, etc. I am in an online class with many different people that are on different levels. There is a guy in class that has had a book published already. There is a woman in class that has finished and book and turned it into several publishers. So my thinking was...don't use your best idea. What if someone that has more connections were to take my idea and use it as their own? So I used something that I came up with when I was living in Colorado several years ago...suspense/thrilled type thing. Here is what I submitted...

"Between the Cracks"

Have you ever had the feeling that someone might be watching you? I have had that feeling ever since moving into this house. My friends and family all told me I was just being paranoid. They said that living alone for the first time causes jitters for a while until you get used to the new house. But it wasn’t like that…it wasn’t new house sounds that scared me. I could feel someone watching me. I could feel eyes crawling all over my skin while I was outside watering the lawn, when I was in the kitchen cooking dinner and as I hauled my trash out to the curb every Monday. Who would have thought that simply buying a house could almost kill you?